This is a fictional conversation. Everything the man and woman say are direct quotes from The Simpsons.
A woman approaches a man sitting at the bar and overhears him lecturing his neighbor
Man: A woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Woman: Well, if it isn’t the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lesson.
He checks her out
Man: Uh, we’re having a discussion about gay witches for abortion. You wouldn’t be interested.
Woman: Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.
He turns back to his neighbor
Man: When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong! And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off!
She offers to buy him a drink
Man: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.
Woman: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
He notices she has decent boobs and she notices him noticing her boobs
Woman: My back yard makes my front yard look like an idiot.
Warming to her
Man: The human wang is a beautiful thing.
She glances at a menu
Man: The food was not undelicious.
Woman: Aw, twenty dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Man: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
He asks her what she does for a living
Woman: Making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
He looks confused
Woman: It’s all right, I’m a teacher!
Man: I love the sexy slither of a lady snake.
Woman: Come on, boy. Let’s go home and have some fun huh?
Announcing to the crowd
Man: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
Muttering to herself
Woman: Shut up brain. I got friends now. I don’t need you anymore.
Muttering to himself
Shut up brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-Tip.
She leans in to smell his neck
Man: I’m not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.
In the back seat of his car
Woman: My pudding is trapped forever.
Man: I’m going to need a bigger drill.
Pointing to her chest
Woman: I call the big one Bitey.
Man: I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and the things I am proud of are disgusting.
Going down on him
Woman: It’s just a little dirty! It’s still good, it’s still good!
Man: There’s bound to be a little splash-back.
Woman: I did a good job. A gooood job.
Pointing to her pussy
Man: I’m gonna kiss her like a mule eatin’ an apple.
Woman: You said it, kitty.
Man: I’ll just get the shuttlecock.
Woman: No foot-longs!
Man: I’m just trying to get in, I’m not running for Jesus.
Woman: I like your toys. Mine are all sticky.
They are interrupting by a policeman rapping his nightstick on the window
Policeman: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
She looks sympathetically at her partner
Woman: Oh, your blue thing with the blue things?
Man: Okay, Fat Load here.
Later, showing off to her friends
Woman: And here’s a picture of me getting arrested for indecent exposure.
Later, showing off to his friends
Man: A toast to the host who can boast the most roast.
All The Simpsons quotes you could ever want.