In my early 20s a fellow teacher asked me if she could set me up with someone. I agreed. That was dumb. It turned out to be her fiancé’s roommate. Roommate and Fiancé were best friends. Roommate went everywhere with Fiancé. Fellow Teacher was tired of the third wheel.
Roommate and I went on a double date with Fellow Teacher and Fiancé to Medieval Times. He picked me up in a turquoise Camaro. He was obese. He didn’t speak to me at dinner. Afterward we watched a movie. He repeatedly said, “this is gay.” He meant that negatively. When he dropped me off he tried to stick his tongue down my throat in front of my neighbors. I danced out of the way and they loudly ridiculed him. He told me to, “fuck off.”
The selfish setup sucks. Consider what a friend’s ulterior motives might be when they offer to find you a match. My second ever setup was with a friend’s boss’ son. I agreed. That was also dumb.
Setups are a lot of pressure. Do you owe a setup more of a chance to spark because they are a friend of a friend? You might try to force a connection that just isn’t there. There’s also pressure on the person who played matchmaker. They may find themselves in the middle of a mess.
When a friend recently offered to set me up, I took him up on it. When I started describing the qualities I was looking for, he cut me off. “I’m going to find you a gentleman,” he said. He meant someone who doesn’t have sex with me and immediately disappear. It’s a low bar, but sadly necessary of late. Throw in someone who speaks but doesn’t tell me to, “fuck off” and you’ve got yourself a blind date. It’s only a date.