Sex Positivity With Prince

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Goodnight sweet Prince.

If I Was Your Girlfriend

Would you let me kiss you there?
You know, down there, where it counts?
I’ll do it so good
I swear I’ll drink every ounce

Soft And Wet

All I wanna see is the love in your eyes (hey, lover)
And all I wanna hear is your sweet love sighs

Shh

Candle light – no (no), I don’t think so!
The crackle of the flame will just spoil my flow
Besides, I can be your fire baby, yeah
Drippin’ all over U like a ball of wax, relax and let go!

Sexy M.F.

U seem perplexed I haven’t taken u yet
Can’t u see I’m harder than a man can get
I got wet dreams comin’ out of my ears

Dirty Mind

I really get a dirty mind (mind, mind, mind…)
Whenever you’re around
It happens to me everytime (time, time, time…)

Delirious

Girl you gotta take me 4 a little ride up and down
In and out and around your lake

Little Red Corvette

A body like yours oughta be in jail
‘Cause it’s on the verge of bein’ obscene
Move over, baby, gimme the keys
I’m gonna try to tame your little red love machine

I Wanna Be Your Lover

I wanna be your lover
I wanna be the only one that makes you come running
I wanna be your lover
I wanna turn you on, turn you out, all night long, make you shout
Oh, lover! Yeah
I wanna be the only one you come for

Kiss

I want to be your fantasy
Maybe you could be mine

“Prince was a teenage prodigy delivering an ode to pussy.”

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Sex Positivity With Prince

Sex With The Simpsons

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This is a fictional conversation. Everything the man and woman say are direct quotes from The Simpsons.

A woman approaches a man sitting at the bar and overhears him lecturing his neighbor

Man: A woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

She flirts

Woman: Well, if it isn’t the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lesson.

He checks her out

Man: Uh, we’re having a discussion about gay witches for abortion. You wouldn’t be interested.

Woman: Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.

He turns back to his neighbor

Man: When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong! And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off!

She offers to buy him a drink

Man: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.

Woman: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

He notices she has decent boobs and she notices him noticing her boobs

Woman: My back yard makes my front yard look like an idiot.

Warming to her

Man: The human wang is a beautiful thing.

She glances at a menu

Man: The food was not undelicious.

Woman: Aw, twenty dollars!? I wanted a peanut.

Man: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

He asks her what she does for a living 

Woman: Making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.

He looks confused

Woman: It’s all right, I’m a teacher!

Man: I love the sexy slither of a lady snake.

Woman: Come on, boy. Let’s go home and have some fun huh?

Announcing to the crowd

Man: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

Muttering to herself

Woman: Shut up brain. I got friends now. I don’t need you anymore.

Muttering to himself 

Shut up brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-Tip.

She leans in to smell his neck

Man: I’m not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.

In the back seat of his car

Woman: My pudding is trapped forever.

Man: I’m going to need a bigger drill.

Pointing to her chest

Woman: I call the big one Bitey.

Man: I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and the things I am proud of are disgusting.

Going down on him

Woman: It’s just a little dirty! It’s still good, it’s still good!

Man: There’s bound to be a little splash-back.

He cums

Man: B’oh!

Woman: I did a good job. A gooood job.

Pointing to her pussy

Man: I’m gonna kiss her like a mule eatin’ an apple.

She cums 

Woman: You said it, kitty.

Man: I’ll just get the shuttlecock.

Woman: No foot-longs!

Man: I’m just trying to get in, I’m not running for Jesus.

Woman: I like your toys. Mine are all sticky.

They are interrupting by a policeman rapping his nightstick on the window

Policeman: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

She looks sympathetically at her partner

Woman: Oh, your blue thing with the blue things?

Man: Okay, Fat Load here.

Later, showing off to her friends

Woman: And here’s a picture of me getting arrested for indecent exposure.

Later, showing off to his friends

Man: A toast to the host who can boast the most roast.

All The Simpsons quotes you could ever want.

 

Sex With The Simpsons

Your Pussy Is Delicious

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I have munched some rug and she was incredibly sexy, but this is not a post about her. Please immediately drop anyone you are having sex with if they don’t love going down on you more than their mother. If they don’t know how to do it in a way that pleases you and don’t want to spend all the very enjoyable time it takes to learn, also immediately drop them. Finally, if they have ever told you that you had to be bare down there or any other iteration of they only want to do it “If,” DROP THEM NOW.

Going down on a woman helped me know for sure that my own pussy is delicious. You should know that yours is too. Just exercised, been out all night? It’s still delicious. It is so fucking delicious that anyone would be lucky to be anywhere in the vicinity of it. I promise you. Don’t let anyone or any douche or douche commercial tell you otherwise.

My ex told me that Chinese slang for oral sex on a female is, “Eating fish.” I freaked out. I remembered Heidi Barnes in middle school whose nickname had been Tuna Fish. Fuck you middle school kids! When I told my ex that hearing this made me feel insecure, he said, “But Chinese people love eating fish, the stinkier the better!” My pussy is not fish. It’s not stinky. No, just no. Shut up. Eat me. Love it.

If someone you’re intimate with finds your long lost red panties a week later and doesn’t immediately apply them to their face, there is something wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you, your smell, or your taste. You are incredible. Ladies be so confident that you give my trick a try. The next time you want your date to be lustlorn, masturbate ahead of time and apply some of your deliciousness to the back of your earlobes like perfume. You are welcome.

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Your Pussy Is Delicious