Today is my first day of a 5 day “advanced” juice cleanse from Oakland’s Uptown Juice Company. I am thus far juiceless. I’ve never been hungrier for some macerated kale. Uptown Juice says my chlorophyll is out for delivery.
For the last 3 days I’ve been pre cleansing. The only things I could eat or drink were fruits, vegetables and water. No whiskey. I realize these juice cleanses are Gooped. You’ve heard it all before.
My rich uncle bought it for me. Do you think my rich uncle thinks I’m too fat? I have gained 10 pounds since I broke me foot in April. I don’t think I’ll lose actual weight on a juice cleanse but I see it as a kick in the ass.
I’ll probably see god after a good skin brushing and some diarrhea. So there’s something to look forward too.
Update: The “Green Detox Boost” tastes like the bottom of a boat.