This is what guys wrote in their online dating profiles that sparked my interest.
It’s a new year, and you’re resolved to find love. Why not try online dating (again)? A well-written profile turns me on because I’m a sapiosexual.
(Just kidding. In my book, anyone who uses “sapiosexual,” “polymath,” “autodidact,” “cosmopolitan,” “partner in crime,” “supersmart,” “vaccinated” and “unicorn” in their profile is going to be automatically left swiped.)
Selecting your profile photos comes with its own set of rules. The tiger selfies, the shot of you doing a handstand at Machu Picchu, the picture of you naked-tractor-riding — these pics will not get you a date. Be reasonable.
A sexy walking tour of Downtown Berkeley with a BDSM option
Last year I had a great idea for Valentine’s Day: a “sexy” walking tour of Berkeley. My (now ex-) boyfriend wasn’t into it, and my dream was deferred. What the fuck, right? It’s true.
This year I’m single. What the fuck? It’s true. I’d be thrilled if some lovebirds out there followed my dirty-walking-tour route and Tinglered, tubbed and tarped it up.
Start at Missouri Lounge (#1) because they are the self-proclaimed kings of “cheap and smooth.” I don’t know what you like to drink, but I think tequila shots are a good idea. Sausage on your mind? Order a “Naughty Hoagie.” You’re here for some dirty talk about what to purchase at the next stop. For example:
Partner 1: I want to dress as Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time and have you pleasure me from behind with an impossibly adorable Japanese vibrator.