Buh Bye Bumble

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I did it. I vanquished my addiction to dating apps. I deleted Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, and Tinder from my phone for probably not forever. Dating sucks. What sucks suckier is spending too much fruitless time searching for love on a dating app. I found that I needed to search, swipe on, and sweat over dating apps multiple times a day.

I received the last message from the last guy I was chatting with from a dating app on Sunday night. He offered me a drive-by snuggle. I’d say this offer is absolutely consistent with my experience on dating apps. 99% wanted some kind of relationship of convenience (sex) and the other 1% did something like having a drag queen deliver me a custom cake on the first date.

Lots of people have had good luck with dating apps. I was not one of them. Not this time. Maybe next time? For now, I’m focused on friendships, loving myself (retching sound), and doing stuff so that I can meet new people in a way that commodifies me less. I’m doing all of this in a push up bra. JK, I don’t own a push up bra. JK, I actually do.

What are some things that I might do when I get that itch to swipe? Distracting oneself for free is a challenge. Writing is free and all-consuming (even a big ass brain would struggle to look for dates while writing). Same with reading. I challenge you to read (with comprehension) and swipe at the same time. Exercise is good (heal ankle goddam you!). Bad ideas include drinking, watching anything (TV, sports, movies) because I’ll swipe during lulls, and any tasks such as cleaning, during which I’ll find any excuse for a break.

So far, so good. I used to spend awhile each morning in bed looking at dating apps, which is now somewhat replaced by narcissistically checking my stats, but I am getting up quicker than I used to. My friends are supportive. They have been telling me for a long time to stop giving my magic away (not a euphemism). I’m dick pic free and I won’t miss reading “You baby” the next time I text some rando “What are you working on today?”

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Buh Bye Bumble

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