Seth Godin’s blog is about marketing, respect, and the ways ideas spread. His post today is applicable to dating. It’s about rejection. He says to not believe the stated reason for rejection. Rebuilding your product based on the stated reason is foolish. There are real reasons and fake ones being given for rejection and you’re hearing the fake ones. He writes, “By all means, make your stuff better. More important, focus on the unstated reasons that drive most rejections. And most important: Shun the non-believers and sell to people who want to go on a journey with you.”
Fellow daters, let’s break this down.
Make your stuff better: Focus on you, stay busy, you know the drill.
Focus on the unstated reasons: The last time I was rejected, I’m sure it had more to do with what I was proposing (wanting something more serious from a casual relationship) and the timing than it did with my essential personhood. Rejection can cause cognitive distortions such as overgeneralization (thinking something is always true everywhere) and blaming (thinking something is your fault when it’s not under your individual control).
Shun the non-believers: Want the ones that want you, say it with me now.
Want the ones that want you. Find the people who are happy to go on a journey with you.