My Sexy Getting Ready Routine

Clear heels are trashy but she’ll be comfortable wearing these because of the platform part

My friend L is throwing a 30th birthday fete for her boyfriend in San Francisco tonight. We’ll pre party at their hotel and then head to a late show at Cobb’s Comedy Club. We’re dressing up because SF is so suffffisticated.

Unlike the Sexy Getting Ready Song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, getting ready is not a horror show. Sometimes I knick myself shaving. Luckily,  I have no facial hair waxing needs. I usually put on music. Rhye is good. Tonight I was watching my Oregon Ducks get demolished by Oklahoma in the NCAA tournament. Here are the things I pretty up for a special night.

Skin: I swear by Palmer’s cocoa butter lotion. It makes me soft and tastes like chocolate yummy.

Nails: When I had more money I used to have fancy nails that I maintained regularly. Now I splurge on a manicure and pedicure once a month. I usually get natural colors, but on a special night I’ll go with color. Tonight I have a deep red wine color on both my fingers and toes.

Makeup: I’m terrible at makeup. I’ve never gotten any better. I don’t watch Youtube and practice. I try to highlight my eyes.

Hair: I create waves or straighten my hair. Tonight I did my curling trick but it didn’t work. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and curl that. Spray it with hair spray. Take out the pony tail holder and run my fingers through with my head upside down. Today it just fell flat. Possibly, it’s because I used mouse or my hair is too clean.

Scent: I have a signature perfume, Narciso Rodriguez for Her. I spray it liberally.

Lingerie: I try to wear something special or at least match my bra and panties. Tonight, I’m wearing a garter belt and thigh high stockings. It feels weird.

Hair removal: I take a bath and shave.

Shoes: Platform pumps are the best. I’m going to be 5’11” tonight and my feet wont hurt. I just can’t drink too much and fall down. I did that once and hung out with the other high heel casualties in the ER.

Clean house: It’s nice to have a clean house when you’re date comes over. Don’t forget to clean under the ring part. Guys lift that up to pee.



My Sexy Getting Ready Routine

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