Fuck UC!


I have an autoimmune disease called ulcerative colitis. My immune system decided to attack itself and ulcerate my colon. I’m super lucky. My UC is well controlled on non-scary medication and I have my entire original colon. The worst UC-related thing that’s happened to me is that I got ulcers in my eyes, went temporarily blind and had to wear a pirate’s patch. OK, that’s actually not the worst UC-related thing that’s happened to me but I don’t want to gross you out.

I often worry about grossing people out, especially the boy people. Boy people don’t like gross girls. Nobody likes a sick person. Everybody likes the bright energetic down girl version of me. She eats more than chicken broth and doesn’t grimace as much.

Sometimes the UC girl version of me comes out. It’s called a flare. The last time I had a flare was a little over two years ago. I pretended it wasn’t happening and almost ended up in the hospital. I spent two weeks in bed at my boyfriend’s house and got Shingles on top of the UC. He was pretty cool about it. He bought me Saltines and apricot nectar in large quantities. He had his own anxious stomach and was lactose intolerant so the gross stuff didn’t bother him. He said he liked me docile.

When my diagnosis was confirmed about 5 years ago, I became dependent on my boyfriend at that time. I couldn’t see and could barely walk. I was a little old woman with my giant pill case. I was sick for a year. Sometimes I think my illness ruined our relationship. It ruined the sex part at least. He will deny this. He is nice.

It’s never a good time for a flare, but here I am hanging out with someone new who gives me the goofy grin. What to do? First of all, I’m tough as shit so he won’t know I’m in terrible pain. He’ll probably just start to think I’m not actually the fun eating drinking fucking girl he first met. Telling someone you just met that you actually are still fun it’s just that you have this serious disease doesn’t make it any better, it probably makes it worse.

Disease-wise, I’m trying to deal with it right away this time. I’ve already called my doctor and asked for the devil’s asshole (Prednisone). The guy who invented Prednisone actually murdered himself in shame, drug is so bad. It will make me sick in other ways but it’s what I need to take to get this flare under control.

Sorry for the false advertising new guy. I’m flawed.

Chrohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America

Fuck UC!

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