This is what happens when you have healthy ish friends who plan a running pub crawl birthday party. You’ll use a gift card from Christmas to buy cuter athletic wear (you actually own no real athletic wear) from Nordstrom Rack, tie a big bow in your ponytail, and wear eye makeup. You will feel nervous about running the whole BART ride from downtown Berkeley to downtown Oakland and accidentally go to Telegraph instead of Lost & Found.
Only six people will actually run including yourself even though you usually only do yoga and use the elliptical as an excuse to watch Friday Night Lights, because you’re a good sport. You’ll feel slightly annoyed at those who don’t run but show up to drink along the way. You will find yourself running past The Avenue in Temescal being cheered on by bearded tattooed revelers. You will feel sorry about whining after the first 2 mile leg necessitating you’re friend D tell you to, “suck it up!”
At Kingfish, you will miss the end of the Warriors’ game and run into the guy you went on one date with who confessed to having cheating on his wife two weeks prior your meeting. You’ll be all sweaty and for some reason he’ll give you dagger eyes, so you will loudly repeat to all your friends the text messages he read (why did he keep these messages?) to you on the date through which his wife found out about his cheating.
Mistress: I think I need Plan B.
Cheater Guy: Why, I didn’t cum inside you!?
You’ll be so slow that your friend N will have to walk next to you the whole time you’re running. You will eat delicious Sriracha popcorn at the Graduate in Rockridge. People will be waiting for the birthday girl at the last stop so you’ll skip one leg of the route (sorry Starry Plough) and end up running 3 miles at once. You will only drink 2.5 light beers but scarf down an entire Andromeda (fontina, aged asiago, sharp cheddar and mozzarella) pizza at Jupiter.
You will sing Happy Birthday and the entire courtyard will join in. You’ll eat chai flavored vegan cake and like it. You will be complimented profusely on the chocolate Whiskey Mac cupcakes with Oban buttercream that you baked for the occasion and really like it. Your thighs will scream, “fuck you!” You will have a good time and be happy you came to celebrate. You’ll feel pretty darn good about your athletic capability and consider running again. You will believe it when you see it.
Happy Birthday Melissa!