Not Getting Laid, Off, or Laid Off in Alameda

Ladies, find Alessandro Nivola’s hotter (more muscly and midwestern with those nerd glasses I like…) doppelgänger at Lucky 13 in Alameda.

Last night I went to Alameda to meet the cognitive behavioral therapist my friend Melissa recommended. For me, dating brings with it a lot of opinions and assessments I don’t normally experience when I’m kicking ass at my job and it’s a love fest with my family and friends. I need a coach with whom I can practice not taking everything somewhat sort of likable strangers tell me about myself as the truth.

Afterward, I was a bad friend and instead of trying to cheer up my girl facing lay offs at a certain island software company as far away from there as possible, I found myself at Lucky 13. I heard some first-hand experiences of what the East Bay Express very recently called, “The Kinkification of the East Bay” and tried not to openly ogle the spitting image of Emily Mortimer’s husband as I imagined us recreating the opening credits of one of my favorite movies Junebug.

I’ll take this opportunity to be the non cancer kid blogging about how Justin Bieber inspires me. First of all, Justin I feel you. My ex is still using my name to get into Club BevMo!. Second of all, your lyric (or did Ed Sheeran write that one?), “My momma don’t like you and she likes everyone” cracks me up every time. Lastly, as Justin says, “I’m better sleeping on my own” than throwing myself at any guy that doesn’t want to throw himself at me, no matter how muscly or midwestern he is.

Dear doppelgänger,

I’ve added a mental image of you wearing nothing but a cheesehead hat to my spank bank.

Love,
Sarah

Dear friend,

If those wipes lay you off, I don’t like them and neither does my momma. You’re better marketing on your own!

Sincerely,
Your not a bad friend Sarah

The Kinkification of the East Bay

Junebug’s opening credits

 

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Not Getting Laid, Off, or Laid Off in Alameda

3 thoughts on “Not Getting Laid, Off, or Laid Off in Alameda

  1. Sharon Miller says:

    I am your Momma, and I don’t like Mr. Doppelgänger, layoffs, and you blogging about Valentine’s Day mischief. Also my brother is not weird.

    Like

  2. Natasha says:

    “My momma don’t like you and she likes everyone”.
    The first time I heard it, I cracked up laughing. Now I look forward to the song on the radio, just so I can sing that line. Now I like a Justin Bieber song, I don’t even have anyone that this song makes me think of.

    Like

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