You can park anywhere you want for as long as you want for free with my new disabled person parking permit. Do you want to take me to dinner in San Francisco’s SOMA? Giants game anyone? Whole Foods? When my boot comes off I will love parking my car in front of my apartment in downtown Berkeley and everywhere else until October 31st. My broken foot doesn’t seem so bad all of a sudden.
I’m not Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps or gymnast Alex Naddour but I experienced a sister of cupping type “massage” and did not like it one bit. I’d hurt my wing and went with a cheap but well-reviewed place on Piedmont Avenue in Oakland. Bunch of masochists those reviewers were.
I don’t believe in not gaining without paining or paying to be pummeled. If it hurts so good, please don’t do that to me. I don’t think cupping is supposed to hurt. According to cupping pioneer Gwyneth Paltrow it feels amazing. I think horrible pain is what I get for being cheap. I’ve proven that over and over again with bikini waxes.
The real message here is to stop something when it’s unbearably painful. I was also scarred by a burning stick at a so-called acupuncturist because he took my insurance. He said, “you’re supposed to say uncle.” I thought the pain was supposed to help me.
San Francisco’s Outside Lands is the thinking-festival-babe’s weekend of music and art. You won’t see many bikini-clad scene girls in Golden Gate Park. The venue is all-natural beauty and fog. It’s not a mud pit, and skimpy synthetic junk fashion is ill advised.
If you’re heading to Outside Lands, your outfit matters as much as the music, and you probably feel that slow fashion is the new slow food. Here I’ve highlighted a few of the local designers who are making festival wear.
As I Lyfted to the foot doctor today to find out if I would need surgery, my driver said some interesting things. He had just turned 30 over the weekend and said, “I feel so accomplished. I’m still alive. I have to play catch up with those other people who planned to live past 29.” His birthday presents were a camping trip and some Kanye shoes.
Artist and genius Kanye West created the Yeezy sneaker. The most expensive pairs on eBay sell for tens of thousands of dollars. My driver said that they were expensive and he was being irresponsible but that he considered them an investment in his future. He’s an artist.
He said, “I’m not going to wear Jordans. He just played basketball. Jordan didn’t change the world. How come nobody ever asks what shoes Gandhi wore? What kind of shoes does Barack Obama wear? I want to walk in Kanye’s shoes because his music changed my life.”
I’m going to drop over $100 on a “comfort” shoe for my good foot today after work. I don’t have to have surgery. I think wearing it in all its sturdy fugliness will inspire me to:
- Be less clumsy
- Not dress up for the wrong guys or any guys
I have a cold, my foot is broken and I’m on a bowel rest diet to hopefully avoid having to take prednisone for my colitis. I’m a mess. I used to think FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) was just a stupid excuse my ex would use for never missing the newest iteration of the same party we’d gone to roughly 3 times a week for almost 2 years.
I was wrong, FOMO is how I feel right now as I pack some mashed potatoes (easy to digest) into my craw. I’m missing Books and Beer Club at Hella Vegan Eats tonight. Most of my friends are going to drink beer outside next to a graffiti mural and some multicultural families. It will be a perfect Oakland night. Later, I’m going to pack some white rice into my craw.
I hate that my happy fierce critter brain has been kicked to the curb by the overbearing beast of my body. The next round is coming and who doesn’t love an underdog? Just ask all my mother who is still feeling the Bern.
P.S. I just heard from my friend T, organizer of tonight’s club meeting.
T: And this is why I don’t plan anything
T: There’s gonna be 3 of us
T: Cuz no one else is coming😦
Come to think of it FOMO is pretty dumb.
Kristin Parke knows not to play with handcuffs unless she has a key within easy reach. Kristin, a security consultant and alumna of Hackbright Academy (a software-engineering school for women), was one of 60 women to attend a lockpicking workshop in San Francisco put on by Women in Security and Privacy (WISP). In addition to Kristin, a white-hat hacker and penetration tester by day, I met law students, professionals and techies while learning about delay mechanisms and lock design at the one-day workshop that SFGate dubbed one of the weirdest classes in the Bay Area.
Today was our summer intern’s last day. We shared him with another office in Oakland’s Uptown, so we all trucked over there and ate Oaxacan food at Agave. The door is indigenous peoples meets Ikea. I though the food was just OK.
I learned a couple things from dining there, however. I thought the carnitas in my so called Oaxacan Empanada was dry. I didn’t know that there are two schools of thought when it comes to carnitas. The meat can be moist or crispy according to a fellow diner. The carnitas at Agave is “crispy” not dry.
The reason I ordered the Oaxacan Empanda was for the Oaxacan cheese and there wasn’t enough. When I asked my server if the appetizer portion was enough food he said that it was basically a quesadilla but the dough was different. He said it was masa (corn). I thought Argentinian empanadas were made with wheat?
I just didn’t order any mole because of that one time in Mexico City with the projectile vomiting. I can’t be sure what’s lurking under that thick black sludge.